FOLLOW THE PLATINUM RULE, NOT THE GOLDEN RULE
We all know the Golden Rule states: Do onto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, treat other people the way you would like to be treated.
But suppose they don’t want to be treated the way you would? If you’re surprising a friend with a vanilla ice cream cone but they love chocolate, are you treating them the way they want to be treated? I prefer the Platinum Rule that states “Treat others as they want to be treated.”
When it comes to medical and end-of-life decisions, everyone deserves to be treated the way they prefer. Does your partner or your family know what kind of treatment you would want or not want if you are in a situation that leaves you unable to care for or speak for yourself. What’s most important to you in that kind of scenario? What do you not want to happen?
During times of emotional turmoil, it is comforting to know your loved one’s wishes. It avoids the guilt that comes from “woulda, coulda, shouldas.” If you know their wishes, it avoids second-guessing.
Can you pass the “What My Loved Ones’ Wishes Are” Test?
Does your loved one want:
• To be taken off life support if there is no hope of recovery? Or remain on life support to preserve life as long as possible?
• To receive blood transfusions and antibiotics if in a vegetative state?
• To receive artificial hydration and nutrition if in a vegetative state?
• To be buried or cremated or one of the newer alternatives to cremation?
• To have remains buried in SWFL or some other place?
• To donate his/her organs?
• To have a funeral or celebration of life?
• An obituary and, if so, in what newspaper?
• Contributions to a charity in lieu of flowers?
These are just a few conversation starters to get answers to your questions.
These questions and more are answered in your Medical Power of Attorney and Advance Directive. Your family should know what they state. While wills and trusts manage assets after death, these health documents take effect while you are alive but incapacitated.
When my husband had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night and never regained consciousness, I knew what his wishes were. We had talked about what each of us wanted and didn’t want at non-critical times. We used other people’s situations as conversation starters. We shared our wishes with our adult children too. It put to rest questions they thought they knew the answers to, with our true wishes documented.
Think of these end-of-life documents as navigation devices to get you and your family through some of the toughest times of your life.
